The Effect of Trauma and Loving Others

Loving Others and Matt's Story

Matt is a 5 year old, happy-go-lucky boy. He is quick to greet every visitor at his house. He rushes to the door with an exuberant smile on his face, and loudly says "Hello!" The postman, friends, uncles and aunts, all appreciate his care-free greetings. Matt is quick to share with his parents about his day, give his opinion about every lego structure he builds, and full body weight hugs for dad when he comes home for work. Anyone would say that Matt is a loving person.

At 7 years old, Matt's parents began to be harsh with him during discipline, sometimes (but not always) yelling at him. Matt began to change. He once was quick to love the postman, friends, and other family members with an exuberant smile and a "Hello!" Now when the doorbell rings he stays put, playing legos or video games, and definitely not leaving the safety of his bedroom. He now does not share much about his day with his parents, nor greets his dad whenever he arrives home from work. Matt feels like he needs to be loved before he can love his parents again.

Trauma and Its Effect on God's Design to Love Each Other

Trauma can affect you and how you are-around others, especially those who have hurt you. You once functioned as someone who loves others. After being hurt or abused, you function as if you need to be loved by others, more than loving others. The New Testament states over a dozen times to love others. We see this many times in the Old Testament as well. The point is this: Trauma and hurt influences God's design to love others, into a need to be loved by others instead.

Consider Matt's story again. Prior to being hurt, he loved others: the postman, family, and friends. After being hurt, he did not love as he used too. He stayed in his room, did not make much conversation, and did not give his dad full body weight hugs anymore! He probably felt as if his parents needed to love him, more than he was to love them back.

Trauma, Time, and Slowly Growing in Love for Others

Trauma, time, and slowly growing in love for others. These things are important to be aware of in recovering God's does in loving others, especially after being hurt or abused. Let's look at a Biblical character. David, prior to his reign as king of Israel was traumatically hurt by Saul, the anointed King, multiple times. Yes, multiple times David fled for his life (1 Samuel 18:10,11 & 1 Samuel 20). Saul tried to spear David, twice, but he was able to evade him. Saul pursued David with an army, and again, he was able to evade him.

David never abused Saul back. It was David's lovingkindness towards Saul that actually helped Saul repent, twice (1 Samuel 24:16-18 & 1 Samuel 26:21). David was on the run, avoiding Saul for years. It wasn't necessarily David's avoidance of Saul that helped Saul repent though. David loved Saul slowly over time, while being careful in his relationship with him. David utilized the help of Saul's son, Jonathan, to understand how Saul was perceiving David at the time as well (1 Samuel 20:12,13 & 1 Samuel 23:15-18).

Whether your story is like Matt's or like David's, consider this: slowly grow in love for others over time.

Trauma Counseling To Restores God's Design

Cowtown Christian Counseling provides Trauma Counseling and EMDR in Fort Worth, Texas. One of the multiple ways we do this is by carefully helping restore God's design for you to love others in your life. We will patiently and graciously walk alongside you from your first therapy appointment to your last.