Essential Components Needed For Sobriety From Pornography Addiction
In this blog we discuss the essential components needed for sobriety from pornography addiction. If all three of these listed below are addressed, encouraged, and practicalized in therapy, then sobriety is very much possible.
It is essential to have and maintain motivation to fight.
Practical tips and techniques to fight porn and sexual addictions are very important to know and practice.
Know what you are actually fighting against in regards to sexual addictions.
Motivation To Fight Against Pornography Addiction Is An Essential Component Leading To Sobriety
The main reason why someone is (finally) coming to pornography addiction counseling tends to also be their primary motivation for sobriety from porn. For instance, if a husband was caught viewing pornography by his wife, and now he comes to counseling to save his marriage, then more than likely he will be very motivated. His motivation is because he wants to keep his marriage, not grieve his wife anymore, and be committed to her until death do they part.
In a previous blog we discussed the best motivating factor to fight addiction. In short we discuss the motivating factor of connecting sin to hurting someone you value. For instance, you wanted to be sober but weren't very motivated prior to your wife finding the pornographic images and videos on your phone. If I had to guess your primary motivation for being sober before your wife caught you is because "porn is wrong", and more than likely you weren't very motivated if this is was the belief. You didn't think you needed counseling, too. After getting caught you now want to stop viewing pornography because it is hurtful to someone you value. This makes sense because sin is directly connected to not loving God and others (reference: Romans 13:8-10 and Galatians 5:14). Sin may not feel that bad until you experience it hurting someone you value. This is a grace from God. Cowtown Christian Counseling has multiple Biblical and practical handouts to help with increasing motivation to fight porn, connecting this to our design to love others, leading to sobriety.
You don't need to be married or in a romantic relationship in order to be motivated to fight sexual addictions, though. Relationships are the greatest motivators and an essential component needed for sobriety. Christian counseling for pornography carefully connects the dots in regards to a relationship with God, learning to value his love as you would a spouse, whether married or single. Why is this important? It is more difficult to hurt someone you love and loves you in return, than someone who does not.
Tips and Techniques To Fight Against Pornography Addiction
Cowtown Christian Counseling has a tips sheet with 42 tips and techniques to fight against pornography and masturbation. Learning how to fight and growing in fighting is an essential component leading to sobriety. This handout shares the importance of practicing multiple tips, instead of trying one, as well as practicing tips related to three categories: 1. Practice tips to help minimize triggers or influencers to view pornography and masturbate. 2. Practice tips to help resist sexual immorality while tempted. And 3. Practice tips that do not seem connected to pornography addiction and masturbation but will still be helpful.
Let me first share about category 1. It is very important to practice tips to help minimize triggers or influencers to view pornography and/or masturbate, especially if you are in a season where viewing porn is habitual. For example, on our tips sheet we include things to do while at your house that will help with minimizing the intense moments where a person may feel triggered or influenced. Minimizing triggers by doing things that are both desirable and life giving in the context where you find yourself most tempted, like your home, is paramount. Be encouraged. This will help you not be fearful of watching porn while you are residing in the context where you are tempted most. You will actually begin to look forward to engaging in life giving things instead.
Next it is important to practice tips and techniques to help you when you are tempted. One of our most popular tips that clients practice when they feel tempted is called, "Change Context, Change Desire, and Change Behavior." Most people who are tempted to watch pornography and masturbate do more 'delay' activities than 'change' activities in the moment. For instance, someone who is tempted to watch pornography at his house may continue to do the same activities throughout his evening and therefore inevitably 'delaying' the act of watching porn. Change context instead. For example, this person could move 50 feet from where he was sitting to go sit in his vehicle. Now change desire. If this person turns on Christian music on the radio but does not like it, then switch to playing your favorite Christian songs on a playlist instead. Notice I said the word, "Favorite". Why? You are now fighting the desire for porn with something you actually desire, your favorite Christian songs. Finally, change behavior: Sing along! You were in your head thinking 5 minutes earlier and 50 feet away. You are now are doing a different behavior, singing. You have now changed your context, desire, and behavior. You are welcome to come up with your own to practice as well.
Lastly, practice tips that do not seem connected to pornography addiction and masturbation but will still be helpful. Did you know that most people who are habitually engaged with pornography and/or masturbation do not enjoy life that much? Most normally can't wait for the weekend. One of our tips states, "Find something to do outside of the house during the work week that brings life." Do this consistently. For instance, if you work Monday through Friday, then do something after work Monday through Thursday, because Friday is considered a weekend evening. This normally includes enjoyable activities related to having a relationship with others. It is very important to enjoy life during the work week.
Know What You Are Fighting Against When Fighting Sexual Addictions
The third essential component to help with sobriety from porn is to bring awareness and understanding to you in regards to what you are actually fighting against. If someone is wrestling with habitual pornography use, then this person is fighting against much more than images or videos on a screen. Cowtown has three handouts where we discuss the four different elements that make up a tempting moment. In short, what you are wanting from sexual immorality is much more than the traditional answer of, "Dopamine." You will also see that pornography, masturbation, and sexual fantasy are all very similar to each other, and that these are different from other addictions like alcohol, drugs, and tobacco.
So be encouraged, having a correct understanding of what is behind the scenes will influence you to fight differently and fight more. Even better, you will grow in motivation when you know what you are fighting against. This will be similar to experiencing the most motivating factor component that was shared previously.
Practice All Components Needed For Sobriety From Pornography Addiction
When all the components as shared in this blog are counseled well, understood, and practiced, then many of our clients experience long periods of sobriety from sexual addictions. Yes, it is possible to be sober. More than that you can actually enjoy life and your relationships. I hope you have been encouraged reading this blog post. God loves you and Cowtown loves you!
This blog post was written by Joel Peterson, LPC. Joel is an expert in helping clients struggling with pornography addiction, masturbation, and compulsive sexual behavior at Cowtown Christian Counseling in Fort Worth, Texas.
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