The Best Motivation To Change Addictive Behaviors
The Best Motivation to Change Addictive Behaviors
If you do a behavior that is hurtful to someone you love and value, and you (truly) know this, then you will be motivated to change. In this blog post you will learn that the best motivation to change an addictive behavior is when you know that your behavior is not loving to the person whom you value, like God and others. We have seen this firsthand when counseling husbands struggling with pornography addiction, a parent's anger towards children, and other difficult situations.
Motivation To Fight Pornography Addiction When Not Loving Towards Others
Let's first chat about pornography. When husbands are caught viewing pornography by their wives, most of the time their temptation to view porn decreases, and normally drastically. Why might this be? Let's chat about the single person real quick. One of the most confusing things regarding pornography addiction for the unmarried person is that it seems not to hurt anyone. In other words, it's difficult to connect this: "All the law is fulfilled in this, you shall love your neighbor as yourself." It's more motivating not to steal from your neighbor because it will hurt her. But it does not seem to hurt your neighbor if you lust after her, though.
When a man is married, there is (often) motivation to fight pornography because it is not loving towards his wife. After all, does sin truly feel like sin if it isn't causing harm to someone? You might have to think about this question. As shared above, stealing from your neighbor feels worse than committing adultery in your thought life than stealing from her. Why? Because you know stealing from her is not loving her. It's harming her. Therefore, the more you connect sin to not loving God and others, the more motivated you will be to fight it. This is true for unmarried men, as well as married men.
Motivation to Stop Expressing Anger Towards Your Children When It's Not Loving Towards Them
Let's talk anger now. Are you more motivated to stop being harsh towards your children if they are harsh back to you? Or, are you more motivated to stop being harsh towards your children when they are saddened by your harshness? You are more motivated not to express anger towards your children when you see their sadness from your anger. In contrast, it is very difficult to stop being angry around someone who is always angry back towards you. Therefore, you may not recognize that you are not loving your children, nor your spouse when they express anger to you in return. Again, as shared earlier, the more you connect sin, like harshness (Ephesians 4:31), to not loving God and others,
then the more motivated you will be in fighting it.
Motivation to Fight Addictive Behaviors Because They Are Wrong, Or Not Loving
Is there any evidence in the Bible that says sin is wrong just because it's wrong? No. There is no Biblical evidence that says sin is wrong just because it's wrong. Sin is wrong because it's against God and others. Addictive behaviors like lying, coveting, and jealousy are not primarily wrong because they are wrong, but rather because these are not loving towards God and others (Romans 13:8-10, Galatians 5:14, Matthew 22:37-40).
For instance, let's say you consistently lie to people. You may not stop lying until it hurts someone whom you love and value. Why? Because now you are motivated. You already knew lying was wrong (more than likely) because the law has been written on your heart (Romans 2:14,15). Once lying hurts someone you value, then you will be more motivated to fight against it. You may have to re-read this paragraph.
Changing Addictive Behaviors And God Loving You
Think of the people in your life who seem to really love God. Maybe you wish you could be like them as well. What do you notice about their life that is different than yours, that you would like to emulate? Ok you may have more money than them, so scratch that out. You may have a larger family than them as well. Scratch out having more babies, too. If I had to guess, you don't want to emulate them because they don't lie, steal, covet, lash out, or commit adultery, too. You want to emulate them because they seem to lead a peaceful life (1 Timothy 2:1, 2), which includes loving God, loving others, and loving you too.
When you continue to seek God, loving Him and loving others, even if at first you do not really desire Him, then your desire for Him will grow. And when your desire for Him grows, you will know that He loves you. And when you know that God loves you, you will be motivated to change addictive behaviors, like coveting, lying, stealing, harshness, pornography, adultery, etc. Think of it. It's not a burden to obey someone whom you know loves you, whether this is your spouse, your boss, or God. In contrast, it is a burden to obey someone who only so-so loves me, or at least it feels like he (or she) so-so loves me.
Be encouraged. These three words, "God loves you", are very powerful, and relationally speaking, very effective in fighting addictive behaviors. And honestly, when you know God loves you and you actively relate with Him and others, you will want to give to people, instead of taking from them. You will want to serve more than be served. You will want to tell the truth, instead of lying. His love will motivate you.
Comments