Top 3 Pre-Marital Counseling Lessons

Top 3 Pre-Marital Counseling Lessons from Cowtown Christian Counseling in Fort Worth, Texas

Pre-marital counseling is often fun for most couples. They are obviously excited about getting married and joining their lives together. This blog post lists Cowtown's top 3 lessons pre-marital couples learn in our Fort Worth, Texas office. First, couples will learn what it looks like to be a Helper to each other. Second, couples will learn what it looks like to love and grow in love for each other. And finally, you will learn how you can influence your fiancé and fiancée to grow as a person.

First, Engaged Couples Will Learn What It Looks Like To Be A Helper To Each Other

What does it mean to be a Helper to your spouse, or your future spouse? You may hear the word "Helper" from somebody speaking on a marriage podcast or from a sermon on Sunday. You may have read Genesis 2:18 and verse 20 and quickly acknowledged and agreed that you would like to be a "Helper" to your spouse, too. Engaged couples will learn what it looks like, practically speaking, to be a Helper to each other. Similarly, you will learn the difference between being a Helper and a Servant in your marriage.

Let's quickly discuss what it means to be a Helper. The Hebrew word for Helper is the word "Ezer." This is the word used in Genesis 2:18 and verse 20. This word is almost always used to describe God as a powerful rescuer, an ally, or protector of His bride, Israel, in the Old Testament, though. In summation, God is a Helper for Israel, doing for her what she cannot do for herself. He is protecting her, and she cannot do this for herself. He is fighting, or being an ally to her, because she cannot win a battle on her own strength. He is powerfully rescuing her from other countries as well as sin, because she cannot do it for herself. Cowtown Christian Counseling teaches engaged couples how to live as Helpers by looking at 9 real-life examples in one of our lesson handouts.

What about being a Servant to your future spouse? Is this different than being a Helper? The Hebrew word in the Old Testament for the English word, Servant, is the word "Abat". This word translates to English, "Work", "Work for someone", "Sacrifice for Yahweh", or "Serve in order to acquire." In summation, serving is, I am going to do this for you so you do not have to do it yourself. Notice how this is different than the Helper summation in the previous paragraph.

Here is a great example of serving: The husband makes dinner for his wife, so she does not have to. The wife is perfectly capable of making dinner, but the husband decided to make it tonight for them instead. In this example, the husband acted like a servant. Overall, pre-marital couples will learn the difference between a Servant and a Helper to practice each.

Second, Engaged Couples Will Learn To Love and Grow in Love For Each Other

When you are 30 years into marriage, I hope you say to your spouse, "I love you more today than I did 30 years ago." When you say "I love you" to your fiancé, what do you mean by that? Engaged couples will learn to love and grow in love for each other. Contextually speaking, one of the lessons we teach pre-marriage couples is how to love each other. We will teach you what it looks like to be patient, to be kind, to bear with one another, to believe, to hope, and to endure for the other. Not only will you learn what it looks like to love, but also when to practice these.

The action of love is contextual. For example, your wife comes home after a difficult day of work, and you listen to her for about 50 seconds, and then respond with, "I'm sorry work has been difficult today." Did you helpfully love her? I would say, no, not necessarily. You should have listened to her longer, asked her questions to understand her, and even believed that God would help her by praying for her. Cowtown Christian Counseling is ready to come alongside you and your fiancé to help you practice love for each other.

Growing in patience, growing in kindness, growing in bearing with one another, growing in believing, growing in hoping, and growing in enduring for the other is a primary goal for pre-marital as well as marital counseling. The Apostle Paul uses language regarding growing love for each other in Philippians 1:9, Ephesians 4:16, 1 Thessalonians 3:12, and 2 Thessalonians 1:3. Christian pre-marital and marriage counseling encourages an increase in love for each other, and for God.

Third, Pre-marital Couples Will Learn How To Influence Each Other To Grow

What influences you more to grow as a person from your wife-t0-be? The skill she has to think through things thoroughly, and therefore tends to be right. Or, how her speech is seasoned with grace when she is right? You probably wouldn't go to YouTube to watch a crash course on how to think thoroughly through things to be right. Rather, you would begin to imitate your wife-to-be in how to communicate with grace, while being right. You are influenced to grow as a person from your soon-to-be spouse because her speech is seasoned with grace (Colossians 4:6).  

Communication is key in marriage. Whether you realize it or not, you can highly influence your fiancé to speak differently. For instance, let's say you tend to respond quickly with off-putting words to your fiancée. Your fiancée has always been intentional and thoughtful with her words, and therefore never responds quickly with off-putting speech, even when you do. If she decided to respond as you do, off-putting and quickly, then you would not be motivated to change your speech. If she responds intentionally and thoughtfully to you, then you would be influenced by her to positively change your speech, being more like her.

It's very important to consistently communicate well, even if your fiancé does not. In couples counseling, we have noticed that when one person consistently responds positively, the other is more motivated to change his incorrect communication patterns. Therefore it takes one of you to consistently respond positively, leading to both of you growing.