Top 3 Indicators of A Healthy Marriage

In this blog post we will discuss our top 3 indicators of a healthy marriage that we have learned from our marriage counseling sessions in our Fort Worth office:

1. Spouses who continue to grow in loving behaviors and speech towards each other is an indicator of a healthy marriage.

   
   

2. When a husband loves his wife, even when she does not love him back in her words or in her actions at times, and vice versa. This too is an indicator of a healthy marriage.

   
   

3. When spouses love God more today than they did at their marriage's start, they will have a healthy marriage.

Spouses Who Continue To Grow In Loving Behaviors and Speech Towards Each Other Will Have a Healthy Marriage

Ask yourself this question, "Do you love your spouse more today with your behaviors and your speech than you did six weeks ago, six months ago, or even six years ago?" When a couple comes to counseling we tend to see both the husband and the wife flatline in how each loves the other. In other words, the wife loves her husband this way, and the husband loves her this way, and this is how it has been for the past 10 years.

The question for the Christian couple is not, "Do you love each other?" The question for the Christian couple is, "How have you grown in loving each other since getting married?" Biblically, we see the Apostle Paul greet and encourage three different churches for "Increasing", "Abounding", or being "Built up" in love for each other (References: Philippians 1:9, Ephesians 4:16, 1 Thessalonians 3:12, 2 Thessalonians 1:3). Husband, have you grown in loving behaviors and speech towards your wife? Wife, have you grow in loving behaviors and speech towards your husband?

If you continue to grow in loving speech and behaviors towards your spouse, until death do y'all part, then you will love have loved your spouse much more than when first married, and more than likely have a much better marriage, too.

When You Love Your Spouse Even When She Did Not Love You In Her Words and Actions

You love your wife in your speech after she snips at you sometimes. And wife, you love your husband in your speech after he is harsh to you sometimes, too. The more a married couple loves each other after the other has not loved well, the greater the indicator of a healthy marriage. Husband, sometimes you let things come out of your mouth that you wish you could take back. Same for the wife. Whenever your spouse speaks harshly to you, and you are not harsh back, then keep doing this. You are actually influencing your spouse to want to grow in not retaliating as well.

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For example, in our marriage counseling sessions we tend to see couples do well for a few sessions in a row, learn new practical communication tips, and then practice these. They finally feel like they are changing. Let's say in between session four and five the husband is crass towards his wife. The wife responds back with hurtful speech. Three days later they sit in our counseling office and one of them shares, "Well, I think we are back to square one." Then each begins to share his perspective on what happened. What happened is actually not a communication problem, though. It was a belief problem, "I'm not going to love you well in my speech and behaviors unless you do, too." This couple did not need new communication tips as much as a different belief. We see this kind of difficulty in marriage counseling all the time. Be encouraged. You can love your spouse, and continue to love your spouse, even when he does not love you back. Your love will stick out to him.

When Spouses Love God More Today Than They Did Whenever They Were First Married, Then This Is A Top Indicator of A Healthy Marriage

When each spouse loves God more and more over the years, then more than likely each will want to love each other, their neighbors, and enemies more, too. When you learn to wait on the Lord, then you may also learn to be patient with your wife. Similarly, you may become less anxious about your life whenever you grow love for God, and therefore you can slow down around your husband, too.

In our couples counseling sessions we have noticed that many spouses have a healthy mariage because they are motivated to build up, encourage, and nurture the other due to each spouse's personal relationship with God. When couples were first married, they were anxious to please each other. As they have grown in their own relationships with God, they have become more concerned to please the Lord (Reference: 1st Corinthians 7:27-29). When each spouse desires to please the Lord, while also going through the good times and times of suffering in life together, then they will more than likely experience connection to each other as well as increased intimacy.

Practicing All 3 Indicators Will Lead To A Healthy Marriage

When y'all practice all 3 indicators listed above, you will have a healthy marriage. More than that, you will have a healthier marriage if both spouses continue to practice these for the dozens of years into the future.

If any of these indicators have been challenging for y'all while being married, then please reach out. Cowtown Christian Counseling helps couples with these three indicators in our marriage counseling in Fort Worth. Our goal is to be Biblical and practical, while doing our best to lovingly come alongside y'all with your relationship difficulties.