Marriage Counseling and Relational Perfection

Couples Issues in Marriage

You are one week into marriage with the one you love. You connect, feel like you get along, and think about her constantly. Five months in she starts snapping at you. When you left the house at 8:35am to go to work, you think about what she said last night. "Why did she get so defensive? I was just sharing my opinion."

What is the common thread between one week into marriage and five months? He mostly looked at her. When he was served by her, he looked at her. When he was serving her, he looked at her. When he was hurt by her, he looked at her. When he hurt her, he looked at her. This person's spouse is his reference point.

Relational Perfection in Marriage

Looking at your spouse is a good thing. After all, you wouldn't have married unless you liked thinking about and looking at the person! Think about the mindset, "I give to get." This is law; obey in order to be loved. Consider Matthew 5:44-48. Jesus sums up relational perfection in verse 48, "Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Heavenly Father is perfect." Contextually, Jesus is not speaking about moral perfection, rather relational perfection. Relational perfection is not, I love you and you love me; this is what the world does (verses 46, 47). Rather, "I love you even if you don't love me." Imagine if officiants started saying this phrase in the vows to the soon-to-be wed couple, "I vow to love you, even whenever you do not love me back, because this is how God loves me."

Your spouse is not the definition nor reference point for love. Whoever is your definition of love is how you will live love. If you look to her as the definition of love then you will live it. For example, if your wife is your reference point for love, then when she does not love you, you will (more than likely) not love her in return. Jesus is the greater love (John 15:13). His love is our reference point. Christian Counseling can help you with learning love.

Question to consider: What does relational perfection look like from God? Me to my spouse?

Marriage and Couple Help in Fort Worth

Our licensed professional counselors and therapists in Fort Worth provide marriage counseling to improve the quality of your relationship. We are happy to come alongside you and your spouse.