Marriage Counseling and Relational Perfection

Couples Issues in Marriage

You are one week into marriage with the one you love. You connect, feel like you get along, and think about her constantly. Five months in she starts snapping at you. When you left the house at 8:35am to go to work, you think about what she said last night. "Why did she get so defensive? I was just sharing my opinion."

What is the common thread between one week into marriage and five months? He mostly looked at her. When he was served by her, he looked at her. When he was serving her, he looked at her. When he was hurt by her, he looked at her. When he hurt her, he looked at her. This person's spouse is his reference point in regards to loving her.

Relational Perfection in Marriage

Looking at your spouse is a good thing. After all, you wouldn't have married unless you liked thinking about and looking at the person! Think about the mindset, "I give to get." This is law; obey in order to be loved. Consider Matthew 5:44-48. Jesus sums up relational perfection in verse 48, "Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Heavenly Father is perfect." Contextually, Jesus is not speaking about moral perfection, rather relational perfection. Relational perfection is not, I love you and you love me; which is what the world does (verses 46, 47). Rather, "I love you, even if you don't love me (back)." Imagine if officiants started saying this phrase in the vows to the soon-to-be wed couple, "I vow to love you, even whenever you do not love me back, because this is how God loves me."

Your spouse is not the definition, nor reference point for love. Whoever is your definition of love, and reference point for love, will be displayed in how you live love in return. If God loves you, only if you love Him, then you will do the same for your spouse; I love my spouse if she loves me, and vice-versa. Therefore, if your wife is your reference point for love, then when she does not love you, you will (more than likely) not love her in return. When she does love you, then you will love her. Jesus is the greater love (John 15:13). His love is our reference point: Loving her even if she does not love me in return. Christian Counseling can help you with learning to love.

Question to consider: What does relational perfection look like from God to me? What about me to my spouse?

Marriage and Couple Help in Fort Worth

Our licensed professional counselors and therapists in Fort Worth provide marriage counseling to improve the quality of your relationship. We are happy to come alongside you and your spouse.