Marriage Counseling and “One Flesh”

One Flesh and Conflict

Wife: “Why didn’t you have dinner ready when I got home? We’re going to be late for the party.”

Husband: "Sorry for working so we can eat!"

And the conflict continues…

You hear the words “One flesh” at weddings, church, bible studies, etc; you may even talk about it with your couple friends, but not really sure what this means for you and your spouse. How does the Biblical concept “one flesh”, apply to you and your spouse especially in conflict?

Take the example above. Why didn’t the husband have dinner ready? I’m sure they communicated or texted about having dinner ready earlier that day too. The point is, the husband did not have the food ready at a time early enough so they could be at the party on time. If the spouses communicated and agreed for dinner to be ready at 5:45pm, and the husband didn’t have it ready, then he is in the wrong. And unfortunately his comment, "Sorry for working so we can eat", is also wrong to say. The wife's comment, "We're going to be late for the party", may not have been the best way to communicate as well, as it is somewhat provocative.

Marriage Counseling and One Flesh Behavior

Let's diagnose the husband's response. The husband responded to his wife in a way that said, “I provide (i.e. two flesh) so we can have food on the table.” Notice the husband did not apologize to his wife. Rather he defended his two flesh behavior. Asking for forgiveness is a “one flesh” behavior though. The husband, defensive in this context, is functioning out of a “two flesh” behavior in the moment. It is true that the husband provides for the family but his motive for saying, “Sorry for working so we can eat,” was a way for him to defend his own flesh (i.e. two flesh).

As shared above, we don't see forgiveness in the context. Experientially speaking, what happens whenever you forgive your spouse? You feel closer, instead of feeling distant, and experientially one flesh. In other words, you feel like "Y'all" are doing better, and not just "You" are doing better. You may even engage in sex, which is a oneness behavior. You will also more than likely experience closeness with God when you forgive. As believers, we are one with God (Ephesians 5:31,32), too.

Oneness With Your Spouse Experientially Influences Your Oneness With God

Have you noticed that it is difficult to worship God on a Sunday morning in Church if you are angry with your husband, who happens to be sitting next to you? This may be why Jesus says to first be reconciled to your brother, and then come back to worship God (Matthew 5:23,24). You will now experience closeness with God. Therefore, your anger with your husband experientially influences your oneness with God. You will not feel close to God, even though you truly can never be separated from Him as a believer (Romans 8:38,39). Be encouraged, though. A difference between God's oneness with you and your oneness with your spouse is that God never decreases His love for His bride, the Church; There is no Biblical evidence of God sinning against believers in how He responds, and even after believers sin against Him. Practically speaking, God is one with you communicatively and behaviorally.

Questions to consider:

Do you see yourself as the spouse who takes care of the kids? Do you see yourself as the spouse who makes money for the family? Would you fall back on these (two flesh) in conflict?

Cowtown Christian Counseling serves Fort Worth with counseling from a Christian perspective.  Marriage Counseling will help each spouse learn to be one flesh together. Check out more marriage related blogs here.