Loving People is Mental Health

Hating People, Loving People, and Mental Health

My client John is sitting across from me. Our session has just begun. I ask him, "How are you?" He responds, "I'm doing great! Works going well. Wife and kids are good. I still hate my dad. Church was awesome on Sunday, and so far so good this week too!" This is laughable. And just so you know, this has actually never happened in a counseling session at Cowtown Christian Counseling. But let's talk. Why is this laughable, or strange? This made up client, John, is actually doing well, or seemingly mentally healthy in the midst of hating his dad.

No one is actually doing well while hating someone else. Think of it. Here is how "John" and many other people sitting in our counseling office would truly respond instead; "I'm doing ok. Wife and kids are fine; work's fine too. I have just been thinking a lot about my dad lately, since it was his birthday this past weekend. Don't really like the guy and hard to be around him...Anyways, church was good though on Sunday." John is probably doing a 5 out of 10, with 10 being incredible. He more than likely paused while sharing this comment, shrugged his shoulders, and looked at the floor. As a counselor, I can tell his anger, resentment, or even hatred towards his dad is affecting him, and not in a good way.

Loving people is mental health. As shared earlier, no one is actually doing well while actively hating someone, or angry with someone. Normally people are quiet. They can't quite focus at work, or at home. They don't like that they are angry. They feel off. They don't feel mentally healthy.

Slowly Grow In Love for People Who Have Hurt You

Jesus is on to something whenever he speaks about loving an enemy, or someone who has persecuted you (Matthew 5:43-48). What if it's better for your mental health today, tomorrow, and throughout the remainder of your years on earth, to slowly grow in love for someone who has hurt you. Time and boundaries may keep this person out of sight and out of mind, but once you start thinking about her and what she did to you 10 years ago, even though you haven't seen or spoken to her since (i.e. Time and Boundaries), then you will probably begin to feel angry and resentful. You would not be doing well in this moment.

Boundaries are not necessarily a bad thing though! Let's be clear. If you are presently in an abusive relationship, or if you are around this person who has abused you and traumatized you in the past, and he (or she) would continue to abuse you presently, then it would be wisdom to discuss a boundary with your counselor or trusted friend. Biblically speaking, David fled and kept his distance from Saul because Saul wanted and tried to kill him multiple times (1st Samuel 18,19).

Practice slowly growing in love towards someone who has hurt you in the past. This is very important. We don't necessarily encouarge our clients to jump right back in, acting like nothing ever happened. Rather, slowly love this person from a distance at first. This could look like many things. It's an excellent idea to start with short prayers. Maybe say hello to the person in passing while giving her or him consistent eye contact. Saying "Thank you" goes a long way. Like his or her's social media post occasionally, but maybe not too much. Again, slowly grow in love. Why? Loving people is mental health. You will be doing better, the more you slowly love someone who has hurt you.