• Cowtown Christian Counseling

Marriage Counseling and Relational Perfection


river going through field


You are one week into marriage with the one you love. You connect, feel like you get along and think about her constantly. Five months in she starts snapping at you. When you left the house at 8:35 to go to work, you think about what she said last night. "Why did she get so defensive? I was just sharing my opinion."


What is the common thread (above) between one week into marriage and five months? He mostly looked at her. When he was served by her, he looked at her. When he was serving her, he looked at her. When he was hurt by her, he looked at her. When he hurt her, he looked at her.


Looking at your spouse is a good thing. After all, you wouldn't have married unless you liked thinking about and looking at the person! Think about the mindset, "I give to get." This is law; obey in order to be loved. Consider Matthew 5:44-48. Jesus sums up relational perfection in verse 48, "Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Heavenly Father is perfect." Contextually, Jesus is not speaking about moral perfection, rather relational perfection. Relational perfection is not I love you and you love me; this is what the world does (verses 46, 47). Rather, "I love you even if you don't love me."


Your spouse is not the definition of love. Whoever is your definition of love is how you will live love. If you look to her first as the definition of love then you will live it. Jesus is the greater love (John 15:13).


Question to consider:

  1. What does relational perfection look like from God? Me to my spouse?


Cowtown Christian Counseling serves Fort Worth with counseling from a Christian perspective. Check out more marriage counseling blogs here.